I haven’t talked to God…. I don’t know why or when exactly but there are many occasions where “I haven’t talked to God”
I haven’t talked to God since He asked me to leave the place I love for a place I resent. 

I haven’t talked to God since I lost my tribe, my fellowship my people that make it easier to talk to him

I haven’t talked to God since I have not talked to him in a long ass time…..

I haven’t talked to God since I was invisible, since I became the one no one sees or hears

I haven’t talked to God since work became my God

I haven’t talked to God since I haven’t talked to someone about Him. 

I haven’t talked to God since He started to take too long

I haven’t talked to God since He promised things and years have passed by and yet nothing looks like the big picture

I haven’t talked to God since the people He promised will look out for me started looking out for my fall

I haven’t talked to Him since a “friend” who helped me talk to Him became a jealous greedy divisive foe. 

I haven’t talked to God since He said “no sex until marriage” and I had just met a boy I like kissing. Great! I can’t kiss him anymore. It will never be enough for this boy. The death of another “could have been great relationship”

I haven’t talked to God since I got awkward and friend zoned all the “could have beens”

I haven’t talked to him since I started feeling ungrateful about my breath of life. 

Sometimes I feel it’s easier not to have existed at all

I haven’t talked to God since I felt my failure must have been because I’m out of His will

I haven’t talked to God since I felt I should not be out of his will because I was talking to him before I hadn’t talked to God. 

I haven’t talked to God since I stopped writing, God loves me writing, but I haven’t talked to him since I forgot God loves me……writing too. Then I started talking to God again,

I went away to talk to Him
I turned off my life to talk to Him

I screamed and yelled to talk to Him

I reminded myself of how I cried at night and how He was there, well I cried this time and He wasn’t 

I tried to find Him in the same places, the right side of my bed, where I fell asleep depressed and when I woke up, the only depressed thing was the right side of my bed where He stayed with me through the night. Well I fell asleep depressed, woke up duvet intact, me? More depressed

I used to feel God in the shower, naked, alone and as the water hit my body, I imagined His love covered me. 

I felt Him on a run, as I exercised, I don’t run anymore. 

I saw him in the trees, in the sky, in the natural wonders He created, now I forget who put them there

In my food, I’m always thankful for food, now the excitement is gone. 

I haven’t talked to God, not since I thanked Him for my health and I fell ill the week after. 
I went away again from the noise to hear His voice? Silence. 

I went away this time not looking for his voice but the second opinion of another doctor…… same results

Where was God? I don’t know….”shrugs” not talking to Him. 

I haven’t spoken to my best friend, my first love, my papa in a long while….I pray for others, I encourage their faith in the same one I’m not talking to. I tell them how good He is and how He will make things better for them. I actually believe it for them and they get better. But me?….. I’m still not talking to Him. 
I haven’t talked to Him since I realized he makes me grieve for world pain, yet I don’t have the tools to fix it. 
Truly haven’t talked to God since He stopped talking to ME! That’s it! He stopped talking to me. 

Laying here at midnight, scrolling through my timeline and I hear that usual voice that nags me saying “and you haven’t talked to God” and I’m like yup “I haven’t.” The voice says why? And as I responded, it cut me off saying “write it down” and so I started writing this down…

Did you expect this to end hopeful?

Read the last 2 paragraphs again……